Warning: Illegal string offset 'single_post_style' in /home/stolendr/public_html/wp-content/themes/top-news/single.php on line 17

I’m a Star Wars nerd. Anybody who knows me will tell you that “nerd” is probably a bit mild but they probably don’t have room to talk. Ever since I first saw the movie as a child, I wanted to be a Jedi. I’ve come close to moving things with my mind in front of others a few times. (It usually involves me distracting the person then throwing the object in question.) I’ve also been able to use Jedi mind tricks on my sister. (Prove that I didn’t, Chelsea.) My wife is too strong-minded though.

Obviously, I’ve seen the movies multiple times and have read many of the Expanded Universe materials. One thing that’s always bothered me though is Endor. Yeah, the Ewoks are irritating but they’re cute. They would have been better if Lucas left them as Wookiees but I try not to let that get to me. The thing about Endor is it shouldn’t be there.

Think about it. In Star Wars, everybody in the Millennium Falcon, thought that the Death Star was a moon. That’s how big it was! The second Death Star was even bigger. In fact, it had a diameter of 900 kilometers. That’s freakin’ huge!

Anyways… like I said, the problem with Endor is that it shouldn’t be there. The Rebel Alliance blew up the second Death Star as it hovered over Endor. When you think about it, an explosion that large, in such close proximity to a planet would have dire consequences. First there’s the whole shrapnel thing. Chunks would be falling onto the planet’s surface at an alarming rate. Most likely, they would be too big to burn up in the atmosphere so where will they go? Onto Logray’s house. Logray, and the rest of the village would be smashed. This would also apply to the next three villages over. Oh, and all of the other villages in the same hemisphere.

Secondly you have the atmosphere issue. I remember an episode of Mythbusters where they used explosions to put out a fire. The force of the blast sent a shock wave that removed all oxygen and killed the flame. Wouldn’t the same stand to reason with a planet’s atmosphere? If a big enough shock wave hit the planet, wouldn’t the atmosphere be ripped away and hurled into space?

I’m getting wordy here so in conclusion, the Ewoks should all be dead. This holds true for the tall and timid Yuzzums the speedy Teeks, and the mischievous and treacherous genetic Ewok cousins, Duloks. If they did manage to somehow avoid the bridge of a Star Destroyer as it rained down from the heavens, they would have surely been sucked off planet into space where they would become lifeless balls of fur, no longer able to make witty comments such as “Nub nub.”

Am I the only one that questions this? Is it possible that Endor was in fact destroyed yet Rebel propaganda agents have led us to believe otherwise? Is it possible to do the same thing to Naboo to rid the world of Jar Jar Binks?

Discuss.

Zohner

Co-founder/show host/producer of Stolendroids. If you've listened to our shows, you know that I'm a geek. Anyone who says differently doesn't know me very well. If it has anything to do with computers, video games, toys, comic books, or sci-fi, you can count me in. Also, I aim to misbehave.
  • Zuke

    I’m still of the opinion the Ewoks were sucked into the Nexus before the moon was blown out from under them, a la ST: Generations.

  • Bryan Schmidt

    I’m with you on the Jar Jar Binks thing. I’ll do ANYTHING to get rid of him. Maybe we can write a Fan Fiction Novel just to kill him off.

    So I did a little digging and found something that I could build on for the Ewok’s being blown off the planet…. I found a picture of the Saturnian moon Rhea with an artist’s depiction of its rings. Rhea is roughly the size of the second Death Star, and has enough Gravitaional Pull to have a ring system. So… if the Empire were to build another Death Star near Endor, I think the Ewoks would start to orbit this new Death Star. “Fuzzy Rings” LOL

    Rhea with rings

  • The Husband

    Rhea is almost twice the size of the Death Star. Zuke quoted the Death Star at around 9oo Km, Rhea is 1500Km.

    According to Wookiepedia Endor had a diameter of 4,900 Km. While I’m sure that it would have had an affect on Endor I don’t think it would have been truly catastrophic.

  • Zuke

    Actually, that was Jeremiah. I think any explosive that’s 900km in diameter should make one hell of a boom.

  • http://www.theforce.net/swtc/holocaust.html

    Online since 1997, it says. Last updated in 2002. I think you’re about 14-19 years late on this one 😉

  • Technically, he’s only 6 years behind. This was a throwback and was written in 2008.

%d bloggers like this: