Tag Archives: next generation

Star Trek Ships Are Wrong pt 1

I’ve written before how I love Star Trek above nearly all other sci-fi shows.  I’ve always loved the characters, the stories, but most of all I’ve loved the tech.  Part of it was that it never seemed too fantastic or out of reach.  It always made dreaming about a future in a spaceship that much easier.

There’s a good reason why much of the tech seemed grounded in modern day.  When Gene Roddenberry first pitched the idea of Star Trek he based a lot of the story as “just like things are now, only in the future”.  He named the ship after the world’s first nuclear power ship and even made it the same size.  Everything that was on the original Enterprise seemed like a natural progression from what we had in the 1960′s.

"You, too, can fly in any one of our armored death-traps!"

Fast forward to The Next Generation and the designers took many of the same design cues as The Original Series; much of the technology in TNG seemed like a simple progression from where we were in the late 80′s.

In my mind, however, there are some fundamental issues with how Starfleet ships are designed.  As cool as some of them are, it seems like many design elements are maintained simply as an homage to TOS . . . and that’s it.  Now, a lot of problems with Star Trek physics have been brought up before (so many there’s a Wikipedia page) but that’s not what I’m going to do here.  Instead, I’d like to break down to individual parts of the ship the Federation uses.  So, without further ado:

So what does it take to put together a Fan-Run Sci-Fi Convention?

[Editor's Note: TardisCaptain, has been attending conventions since the late eighties from Seattle to Los Angels to Oklahoma and all points in-between. This includes General SF conventions, gaming cons, charity cons, LAN expos and of course Star Trek cons. He has volunteered at various local conventions including Conduit, LTUE and Mountain-Con. He was the ConChair of Mountain-Con I, II and III and is still a trustee for Mountain-Con.]

Attending a convention is a rare treat. There is usually a large buzz of fans wanting to meet their favorite author or actor. Other fans are excited because they have the opportunity to share their fandom. Merchants have brought rare and unusual items to the dealers’ room. Games have been prepared by Game Masters, LARP Judges and LAN coordinators. Costumers have spent thousands of dollars and thousands of man-hours preparing costumes. Artists have submitted images of their imagination to the art-show or film festival. All of these fans have brought something to contribute to the excitement of a convention. All for one glorious geek-fest-filled three days.

The question I pose for all of the fans out there, have you ever wondered what it takes to put a Fan-Run SF Convention together? Well the first keyword is ‘Fans’; volunteers are needed to put together the ConCom (Convention Committee). The phrase “Many hands make light work” really applies here. The more volunteers that are helping throughout the year the easier it is to put together the con.

Out of these volunteers you need to find the person who has the following qualifications. Can they run a small business? Do they have experience with convention running? Are they willing to take the blame when things go wrong? Are they willing to play referee between egos? Are they willing to do all of the jobs of the volunteers underneath them? If you have someone crazy enough to do this (check local insane asylums for possible candidates) then elect that person to be the Convention Chair (aka ConChair). Since the ConCom is made up of volunteers, the ConChair needs to be the glue that holds everyone together and keep them focused on putting together the next convention. The ConChair also coordinates the monthly meetings (multiple meetings held most months), reports to the trustees on the status of the con, name a Co-Chair (basically an assistant who is second-in-command) and basically keep an eye on all of the various sub-committees and chairs.

The remaining members left in the asylum will then fill out the other positions within the ConCom. Each group could be run by just the position chair and co-chair or create a sub-committee to help out.

Accounting- Do you have the lobes for this job?

Anime- Dubbed vs Sub-titles debate goes on.

Art-Show- Oh shiny and you want to sell it too?

Banquet- Yes you can have a formal dinner with the guests.

Dealers Room- These merchants came all the way from Diagon Alley.

Fan Club- The ‘Home Boys from Outer Space’ fan club wants a promotion table?

Fan Film- We are showing it at the con before releasing it on the internet.

Filk- La-la-la-la

Gaming- Where are the Cheetos?

Guest- I need a volunteer to be Jeri Ryan’s assistant

Hotel- Yes discounted sleeping rooms are available at the hotel.

Kid-Con- We are raising the next generation of geeks.

Masquerade- Yes that chain-mail covers enough of you to go on stage.

Operations- You have five minutes until the end of your panel.

Programming- We can put the Ghost Hunting panel across from the MMORPG panel.

Publicity- Getting the word out about the con.

Publishing- The due date for the programming book is coming up soon.

Registration- Badges? Yes you need your stinkin’ badges.

Security- Why do people snicker when they see us in red shirts?

Volunteer- You really want to help out? Oh bless you!

Once these positions have been filled then the Con-Chair makes sure everyone is filling their volunteer duties in a timely manner. We do not have a TARDIS to travel back in time to beat the deadlines, and these deadlines come quicker than most people expect. Hotel and Guest arrangements must be made very early in the process (sometimes more than a year in advance). Travel and lodging for the guests must be set up (and paid for in advance). The convention space and sleeping rooms need to be agreed upon between convention and hotel. This helps determine the date of the convention (a huge factor for attendees). Programming of panels, gaming, special events and media (anime and fan films) must be completed months in advance in order to make publishing deadlines. Pre-sales of convention memberships and dealers room tables help bring in early funding for the con. Local fan clubs and organizations (SCA to grassroots space supporters to gaming to fan clubs of various shows) need to be coordinated for possible volunteers, sales, room parties, promotion booths, etc.). The booth space for both Dealers Room and Fan Clubs need to be coordinated. Security concerns at the hotel space need to be identified and addressed. Before you know it, months have passed and we are approaching the convention date.

There are a ton of things that can be put together for an enjoyable convention. The three things that may prevent a convention from running a certain event are three things. 1-Lack of money, 2-Lack of volunteers or 3-Lack of time. Like a major motion picture, there comes a time when you have to put an end to the preparation and release the con. However what is released is the heart and soul that an army of volunteers have put together in the name of fun and fandom. You may see a lot of zombie like stares at the dead-dog party (following the end of the convention) but they all know one thing. They volunteered because it was worth it.

If you want a chance to see the fun and excitement of geeks sharing their fandom, check out a nearby fan-run convention (SHAMELESS PLUG ALERT) like Mountain-Con IV held on September 19-21 in Utah. Details can be found at http://www.MountainCon.org.

To not so boldly go anywhere

Well, with a title like that, you KNOW this is going to be another Star Trek post.  It’s honestly not like I don’t have anything better to talk about, it’s just that it offers up so many easy targets.

When I was younger, and watching shows like The Next Generation, Space: Above and Beyond, and seaQuest: DSV, I imagined how awesome it’d be to live on ships like I saw on TV and live those lives.  Of course, that was as a kid.  As an adult now, I have a quality of life that I’ve become accustomed to.

Let’s role play a bit, shall we?

A junior officer on the Enterprise D receives a standard 110 square meters (1182 square feet) living space.  That’s not bad for just one person.  If they want, they can opt to combine spaces with a roomie (though you don’t often see that in the show).  The captain has a nice three room cabin, but even that is so spartan you feel out of place.


Plenty of space to  . . . sit down and look at the void out your window.

Each 24 hour day is broken into three 8-hour shifts.  So for 8 hours, you are on your feet doing whatever menial task that is your job.  Let’s assume that you sleep for another 8 hours, and you are left with 8 hours to yourself.  To do . . . something.

There are only three holodecks on the ship, and if the shows are anything to go on, those three are constantly being used by the senior staff to commemorate promotions or battle sentient AI’s.  There’s no real TV or internet, so that’s out.  All your food is replicated, so no cooking or going to the local store.  Even your waste is removed from you every time you walk though the doors so you can’t even just have a nice potty break (seriously, look it up).

Supposedly, there’s 10 Forward (so named because it’s on deck 10 and is the foremost part of the ship. Technically it’s 10-36).  However, that’s the ONLY bar on the ship!  I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that the other third of the crew (one third of is 1014 is 338 crew members) are just as bored as you are and are also trying to get in there.

While you never see it on the show, I’d have to assume you could try and use the three computer cores for a wicked LAN game.  However if modern day IT Admins are of any indication, that’d be stopped pretty fast.

OK, so enough with the futuristic boredom.  Let me put it in modern perspective!

You are on a cruise ship out on the ocean.  You will be going out to see a tropical island that should be very interesting, however it is a week away at maximum speed and the captain keeps stopping to investigate dolphin anomalies.

There are no shops on board.  No clubs, no theaters, no TV’s, no radios.  Let’s keep the buffet just to be civilized.  I’m taking the pool and shuffleboard though.

Sounds thrilling, no?  I honestly wonder why we didn’t see more episodes of Barclay going postal or people sleeping with EVERYONE/EVERYTHING just to stay occupied.

Of course, maybe they did, and it simply was never aired.

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