Tag Archives: Knight Rider

Dear NBC

What in the hell is wrong with you?  Are you striving to drive your network into the ground?!

Yes, I’m a big fan of Conan O’Brien.  No, this entry is not just about him.

You all remember when NBC decided that it’d be a great idea to cash in on our childhood memories with Knight Rider?  If you do, you’d also remember that it sucked horribly.  It stunk so badly they didn’t air more than four episodes despite the fact they paid for a whole season.  Because Knight Rider had a car as it’s central figure, some genius at NBC figured that people must not like cars and shows about cars.  With that logic in mind, NBC decided to drop Top Gear America without even showing the pilot.  For those of you who aren’t in the know, Top Gear is a BBC program in the UK that is one of the most widely distributed shows in the world.  It has been spun off into Top Gear: Germany, Top Gear: Russia, and Top Gear: Australia.  We were inches from joining the rest of the civilized world in getting Top Gear: America!  I guess people just don’t like car shows enough to watch them on TV (we do, however download Top Gear UK so much that it is the most BitTorrent’s show in the world).

Next on the chopping block?  Crusoe!  You remember that memorable show, right?  No?  Neither did I till I went through our own archives here!

So, NBC has a long time history of screwing things up.  Instead of making a miniseries with a complete story arc to show (and see if people actually like it) they order entire seasons of untested shows, THEN put minimal effort into the production of said shows.  Since the whole concept of television programming seemed to be failing them, I guess they decided to just make everything on their network be a late night talk show.  I won’t go into the details since you’ve likely read/heard them from many other sources but the instant they announced that Jay Leno would be taking over prime time, admit it, you knew it was a bad idea.  And it wasn’t even that he was starting a new show, either.  The Tonight Show, was simply moving to prime time.

People watched the Tonight Show with Jay Leno for two reasons; 1) they really like Jay Leno, and 2) that’s when they get home/get kids in bed/get in bed themselves to watch TV.  The people who love Leno moved to the prime time spot with him.  The people in the second category stayed with the time slot.  Instead of doubling their ratings, NBC effectively split them in half!  Now, after admitting it was a terrible idea, they are moving Leno back to the 10PM spot, booting O’Brien, and keeping the rookie Fallon (we think).  I’m honestly not going to get into who should do what, I’m just pointing out that it was a stupid idea when it was announced, and it’s even worse now that they’re trying to fix it.

This entry doesn’t actually end there, either.  See, while everyone else is really interested in this late night mess that NBC has caused, they don’t really look at some of the other channels that NBC owns and operates.  Top of this list in “WTF moments” for NBC would have been renaming SfiFi into Syfy.  You pronounce it the same, it looks kind of the same, but one is a genre of media and the other is a venereal disease (“Syfy” is Polish slang for syphilis).  Supposedly, this renaming was part of a global rebranding effort by the network to get farther away from science fiction based programming.  However, their effort to do so has ended there, as they haven’t changed their programming in the slightest (other than the sudden influx of Ghost Hunter:Enter Random Destination here shows).

In their latest scheme, NBC and Syfy want to hop on the MMO bandwagon and they want to do it in a truly unique way.  Instead of creating a whole new world for a game, they instead want to create a whole new world for a show, and the game goes along with the show!  Of course, this was planned long ago with another, more popular property.

I have two theories behind what must be going through NBC executives’ minds regarding all this:

Theory 1: One network analyst pointed out that Conan is much more popular with younger viewers than Leno is.  Top Gear is mainly watched by car and tech enthusiasts.  Neither of those really fit into NBC’s target “50-60 Never Married Female” demographic.  This demographic also typically doesn’t have TiVo, watch TV on the internet, or know how to program their microwave clock.  Since they aren’t going to be watching pre-recorded, commercial free TV, NBC has to ensure that those ladies won’t ever turn their TV’s to another station.  Instead of trying to reach out to new demographics and strengthen their viewer-base, they play to the low hanging fruit.

Theory 2: Someone in the higher echelons of NBC wants to be let go in a glorious fashion!  Perhaps they’re hoping for a Rick Wagoner level severance?

What new zany bunch of pirates will find me THIS week?

The very first book I ever read on my own was Robinson Crusoe. I was seven years old, and had been reading for some time, but never with any interest. Between my short attention span and over active imagination, most story books were just too boring for me to want to read them all the way through.

Crusoe changed that however; I was bringing the book with me to the dinner table so I could keep reading, I would sit on the couch with the TV on and not look once at it all night, I would beg my mom to let me stay up just a little bit longer till I reached the end of the chapter. She must have been so happy (my mom is an avid reader herself, and I can only imagine how she must have worried that she had a 2nd grader who wouldn’t read).

Since I started reading that book, the story of Robinson Crusoe has always held a special place in my heart. For whatever reason, it wasn’t the same as Ghostbusters, or Back to the Future, or Knight Rider. Those were exciting, and I wanted to be them. With Robinson Crusoe, however, I was content with just “hearing” the story in my mind.

So, let’s get to how excited I was when the new series “Crusoe” was announced. I was very happy. VERY happy. So happy that I told my DVR to record every episode, and then stored them up for me to watch all at once. Too bad I can’t just learn that broadcast television is only out to ruin my childhood memories.

The series starts off with him waking up on the beach in the midst of a debris field left from his ship. The ghost of convenience has washed everything from the ship onto an area of the beach that is no bigger than my house (bodies and all), and the ship itself is only about 200 feet away in shallow water.

Suddenly he’s on a cliff, looking through a telescope at a landing party on his beach. He activates a whole slew of McGyver-esque gadgets to light signal fires and fly down to the beach at record speed. We also see his awesome treetop penthouse.

So, somehow, we’ve managed to skip from the very beginning of the book, to somewhere towards the end. Crusoe has a lot of flashbacks, which I guess would work well as a storytelling device, except they are only convenient for the current storyline and absolutely worthless for telling what happened up to this point.

Crusoe’s dialogue is now a cross between MacGyver and MythBusters with him constantly explaining scientific principles to Friday, and Friday’s dialogue is fast and witty with him constantly explaining that he doesn’t care to Crusoe.

Add to that the fact that in three separate episodes, the island is “stumbled upon” three separate times! I fail to see how this could be a “lost, deserted island” with people constantly landing and looking around!

I’ve cancelled the recording schedule for Crusoe now, as I can’t bring myself to watch “Knight Rider on an island, and no electricity” and longer. It baffles me how a network could drop so much money and time on what has to be a complicated series (in terms of location, sets, costumes, and filming) and then cheap out on writing, producing, and editing.

Are ANY of the new series this season worth it?

Learning from the past

So, I was able to catch the pilot and second episode of Knight Rider. I am disappointed.

Ok, so I get the fact that the original show wasn’t so great either. It was about a guy and his car, and as kids we didn’t care that the action was obviously staged and the driving was rather low budget. At the time, we couldn’t drive ourselves, so it impressed the crap out of us. But here’s the thing; we’ve grown up. I know that our parents are probably chuckling with the thought that we’re all old enough now to understand how lame our childhood heroes were, but it’s frustrating just the same.

So you’ve made a show about a car and his partner/meatshield; we get that. You’ve done it before. Show us something new! Instead, we get the exact same thing from the 80′s only worse. We’ve still got bad dialog, but now we have impossible special effects to deal with on top of it. I’m all for sci-fi and even bending the laws of physics from time to time, but doing it so often that the show has jumped the shark three times in the first 5 minutes of the pilot is a little much!

  1. KITT is discovered by hostile security and is fired upon. He switches to attack mode, goes into Turbo and jumps over the security guards. While the original Knight Rider used Turbo to jump over obstacles, it was while KITT was at speed.  Jumping from a dead stand-still by vectoring your tailpipes downwards is just silly.
  2. Meatshield 1 and Love Interest 2 are being chased by baddies and need to get to KITT, but KITT is being chased by the security detail he just jumped over. Love Interest tells Meatshield that she uploaded a new program to KITT and they need to activate it to escape. KITT uses the new program to transform into a Ford F-150 and they jump into the moving truck bed. He then transforms back into the Mustang and they have miraculously been moved into the front seats (and not crushed in the trunk).
  3. Security fires a napalm missle at KITT and he is now on fire. The folks at command tell KITT to accelerate to 360+MPH and that will put out the fire. Maybe they forgot that an increase in O2 actually feed fires, I don’t know. In any case, KITT only has a 550hp engine (that much was technically accurate). A Bugatti Veyron (which is actually aerodynamic, btw) needs 987hp just to push it to 253MPH. That’s not a limitation from the car, that’s Mother Nature pushing that hard to keep an object from moving that fast.

Handy little "program" can change the shape of metal!

That’s only the technical side of things. Evidentally, the producers/network have such little faith in the show that they are willing to pull out the “love interest in lingerie” to keep us attentive!

We're not even done with the opening credits in the first episode yet!

I understand that often a pilot will not be as refined as a creator will envision, and so sometimes you have to just give them the benefit of the doubt. So I watched the second episode . . . better, but not by enough. Dialog has been moderately improved, but someone really needs to get a technical advisor on these shows at some point! Perfect case in point:

KITT and Meatshield have been captured by the bad guy. Bad guy brings a device over and attaches it to KITT’s hood. Bag guy hits a button and KITT goes offline, systems fry, and the car turns off. Bad guy explains, “Say hello to the military latest in EMP technology! Your fancy car is now no more advanced than my Jeep!”

No, his fancy car is now no more advanced than my office desk! The command center gets around this by using local cell towers to access KITT remotely, and reroute all available power to reboot KITT’s system.

  1. Did no one explain to the writers what an EMP actually does?
  2. Is it really that easy to hack into a multi-million dollar weapon using a cell phone signal?  Hate to see what you could pull with a Blue-Tooth connection.

Knight Industries: Taking "hands-free" a step too far since 1984!

Series can be remade into very enjoyable shows.  The new Battlestar Galactica is a perfect example of this; even if you don’t frakking love it, you still have to admit it’s heads and shoulders above the original.  It’s pretty easy to do too:  Don’t let a single car company sponsor you to the point that your main vehicle turns into their entire 2009 lineup, hire some writers who have graduated high school, get someone on the staff who has at least looked at a science book, and stop using the same blue screen technology that the weathermen dropped 5 years ago!

See?  Easy!

The third-party view

It comes as no shock my close friends that I don’t have any sort of allegiance to any one political party.  I view politics the same way I view professional sports; just because I might like something that one person does, does not mean I want to be a die-hard fan of theirs or the team they’re on.  This does give me a somewhat unique viewpoint when talking with my politically minded friends, as I’m not bound by any sort of unspoken oath of fealty to either major party.

Last night, as many of you are aware, President Bush addressed the nation for what may be his last time in office.  I somehow managed to record it to my DVR (more on that later) and was watching it in my living room with a mixture of disgust, anger, and somber acceptance.  In it, the President explains how we’ve fallen into the financial crapper and how we can’t get up.  He thinks we can at least make the crapper not feel like a crapper by whipping $700B USD into existence (maybe more, we haven’t decided yet) and giving it to lenders and banks, and maybe some to ourselves too.  I’m paraphrasing, of course, and you can watch his actual address here (along with detailed analysis by someone smarter than me).

So why does this get such a mixture of responses from me?  Well, because I’m not rich.  Simply put, unless you are either blind as a politician or make over $250K a year, you’ve known we’re getting to this point now for a few years . . . not the couple weeks the President tries to make it out to be.  Some of the first signs that the market was going out of whack was the sudden change in house values across the nation, but instead of doing anything about it, companies decided to just make money.  Now we’re in 2008 and all those messed up property values are back on the market, but no one can buy them because no one can get credit.

It almost seems like half of our economy was inflating while the other half was staying still, effectively pricing EVERYTHING out of reach of the common American.  Previous generations have preached to us about saving money from every paycheck for a rainy day, but what do you do when there’s no paycheck left to save?  When everything has gone into your inflated health insurance, exurbanite fuel prices, rising utility costs, and housing that you have no chance to afford.

An apartment manager I had when I was younger told me once that she looked at people’s net income to determine if you got an apartment: If the cost of the apartment was more than 20% of your net monthly income, she’d deny you.  That sort of thinking makes a lot of sense if you think about it, since that way you know you aren’t going broke on trying to sleep in a heated place.  I crunched the numbers and I (making the average median income for my state), can afford either a room in student housing or a studio apartment.

 

Not the best for a family of five.

Not the best for a family of five.

Now before I get accused of placing the blame solely at the feet of George W. Bush, please know that I realize he is not entirely to blame.  For better or worse, however, he is the figurehead for the problems we’re in; it’s just the nature of his position.  

Like everything done during this administration to make us feel like things are going to be OK, it has come too late and gone in completely the wrong direction.  

  • Telling us to go shopping because you don’t want the depression and sorrow of a nation to hurt the economy isn’t quite as nice as doing something to prevent terrorist attacks in the first place.  Maybe you could have done it instead of spending 9 months on vacation within your first year in office.
  • Giving us an economic stimulus check was nice, but it would have been nicer if the government had just kept the money and poured it into the education funds . . . instead of cutting financial aid to students.
  • Going to war . . . yeah probably not the most fiscally sound thing we could have done.  I won’t argue whether or not the war is justified or not (’cause I get so tired of that argument), but you have to admit it isn’t cheap to keep our forces in daily operation in so many places.
  • Giving us another stimulus check that went straight into our gas tanks.  Not very helpful at all.
  • Spending $700B to bail out lenders so they can continue offering credit to people who will just continue the downward spiral of debt.  Not as helpful as perhaps using that same amount of money 3 years ago when all this really started downhill to overhaul the system so we wouldn’t be here!

Probably the most “WTF” moment of his speech came when he explain that (paraphrasing again) “We know the system in place doesn’t work.  We’re going to wait for things to get better on their own, however, before we fix it.”  Huh?  If it’s not working, how is it going to fix itself?  You know he wasn’t fooling anyone, especially himself, as he was delivering these lines; the poor guy had a look on his face the entire time that said “yeah, we’re screwed, and I can’t spin it any other way anymore.”

What really gets me mad is the fact that people in high places know exactly what’s going on, and choose to do nothing about it.  American lawmakers know exactly how to help American Business without helping the American People.  For example: in the late ’70′s a bill was passed to place a tarrif on all foriegn made trucks coming into the country for sale.  This was meant to help American car manufacturers maintain a lower price and thus be more attractive to consumers, but instead they kept their prices the same as the foreign cars and increased their profits instead.  

Another good example of backwards lawmaking (again in the automotive realm) is the gassguzzler tax applied to all cars that don’t make a certain MPG.  If you buy Dodge Viper, you pay a tax for having a car that will take more fuel than would a Toyota Carolla.  Well what’s wrong with that?  Nothing, actually . . . except that Chrysler-Daimler wasn’t charged with you for making such a car in the first place.  It sounds like I’m only ranting about car makers, but this sort of thinking is everywhere in our economy and it only ends up hurting the lower-middle class in the end.

Probably the most infuriating thing about the President’s address last night, however, had very little to do with him telling me stuff I already knew (because I, and 90% of America, have already been living it), and more to do with the fact that he talked over the first 15 minutes of the Knight Rider premier!!

Fall 2008 geek shows on the network

The new television shows for Fall 2008 network season are almost here.   Amid the cesspools known as ‘reality’ tv, cop show copy-cats and lame sitcoms we can usually find nuggets of interesting television.  Here are some of the shows that I feel would be of interest to fellow geeks with some of my comments for you to rip apart.  With some of the schedule conflicts, I can only thank the gods for DVR service.  All times posted are Eastern.
Think a show is missing from this list?  Remember that several shows have Mid-season premiers such as Lost (ABC), Reaper (CW), 24 (Fox) and Merlin (new show, NBC) .

I’m also interested in hearing what other geeks are looking forward to.

Knight Rider

On a crusade....

Mondays:
8:00pm Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles (Fox)- Returning show starts on September 8th.  I will be watching this show again.  I really didn’t think this would make good episodic television, but I found myself watching each week.

8:00pm Chuck (NBC)- Returning show starts on September 29th. So far I’ve only been moderately impressed with this show as I thought that Jake 2.0 was better.  Going against Terminator in the same timeslot may not be the best idea.

9:00pm Heroes (NBC)- Returning show starts on September 22nd.  Another show I can’t wait for.  Season two wasn’t as good as the first, but the writing is still good.  Our Heroes must capture newly escaped villains with various superpowers.

10:00pm My Own Worst Enemy (NBC)- New show starting on October 13th.  Christian Slater’s character has two lives, average dude and bold superspy.  One doesn’t know about the other until the barrier separating the two start to break down.  First the promos on the Olympics didn’t interest me.  But the Jekyll and Hyde combo may draw attention to this show.

Tuesdays:
9:00pm Fringe (Fox)- New show from J.J. Abrams that will start on September 9th.  Bold new show or X-Files wanabe?  Both have an FBI agent investigating unusual cases.  Will Fox allow a Sci-Fi show to survive?  Well we did get a second season of Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles so who knows.

Wednesdays:
8:00pm Knight Rider (NBC)- New show starting on September 24th.  Growing up in the 80’s I remember the original show.  I liked the pilot movie and thought that Val Kilmer did a very good job as the voice for K.I.T.T.  I want to see where they take this, especially when the Hoff returns.

Thursdays:
8:00pm Smallville (CW)- Returning show starting on September 18th.  Wow eight seasons?  Could this show survive the demise of the network?  I dropped this show in the first season because I didn’t want to watch teen-angst with superpowers.  Now people tell me this is one of the best geek series on television.  Should I just buckle down and watch all the episodes on DVD or should I only watch certain key shows?

9:00pm Supernatural (CW)- Returning show starting on September 18th. First I only watched this with my geek wife, but I’ve started following this show as well.  It turned out a lot better than I expected it to be.  I enjoyed the Ghostfacers episode from the previous season.

10:00pm Life on Mars (ABC)- New show starting on October 9th.  A cop travels through time from 2008 to 1973.  Will this be good (despite the number of cop shows out there) or a bad rippoff of the BBC version?  I’m interested in seeing Colm Meaney in this.

10:00pm Eleventh Hour (CBS)- New show starting on October 9th.  Yet another BBC import that the American studios decided to try.  I love watching BBC America to see what will be ripped off next.  An investigator of unusual scientific cases is sent out to solve crimes as the last line of defense.  Could be too close to a cop show copy-cat that Hollywood has a fixation on.

Fridays:
8:00pm Crusoe (NBC)- New show starting on October 17th.  I debated putting this one here.  The show is based in the 17th Century (when the novel was written).   Filmed in England for American viewers.  I’ll put this one up for the History geeks.

Saturdays:
Repeats of Knight Rider are scheduled on Saturdays at 9:00pm

Sundays:
FOX continues its Sunday animated line up.  Family Guy, American Dad, King of the Hill and the 147th season of The Simpsons starts on September 28th.    Outside of the specials, I really don’t catch any of these.

Join the forum discussion on this post - (3) Posts
QR Code Business CardStop SOPA