From the Batman III, aka The Caped Crusader, casting rumors department: According to Telegraph.co.uk, Angelina Jolie may not be Christopher Nolan’s first choice to play Catwoman in the next installment of the Batman franchise. His first choice is none other than Cher. What? Really? Was Bea Arthur not available? Somebody is obviously very, very high.
A studio executive said: “Cher is Nolan’s first choice to play Catwoman. He wants to her to portray her like a vamp in her twilight years.”
I have no idea how the 62 year old drag queen idol is on the short list for this part. Catwoman personifies sexuality and athleticism. Apparently Angelina Jolie falls short in these categories when compared to Cher. Obviously Nolan is living in 1972 when Cher had mass commercial appeal. And wasn’t 62 years old. Oh right, they’re going for a “twilight years” effect.
“The new Catwoman will be the absolute opposite of Michelle Pfeiffer and Halle Berry’s purring creations.”
Well, I guess if that’s what they’re going for, Cher certainly fits the bill. When I think of Michelle Pfeiffer’s opposite, I suppose that Cher would come to mind. Honestly though, I try really hard to not think of Michelle Pfeiffer’s opposite because cave trolls and midgets tend to fill my imagination.
Seriously though, can you imagine Christian Bale’s Bruce Wayne hooking up with Cher in a Catwoman outfit? Maybe in Bizarro World but this is Gotham, not Metropolis. Crap like that just doesn’t happen. Wouldn’t she be at high risk for breaking a hip or something? Imagine Catwoman jumping from rooftop to rooftop at 3.5 miles per hour in a Jazzy. Instead of a whip, she can use the tubes from her oxygen tanks.
I’m going on the record now and saying that this had better be a joke. Yes. This is all a cruel joke worthy of the Joker. Let’s pretend that these “talks” haven’t happened and that Kate Beckinsale will be donning the Catwoman outfit. That way we can all sleep at night.