A lot of stuff that’s come out of Hollywood over the years has been amazing. When you look at films such as the original Star Wars trilogy, the Indiana Jones movies, and even such recent fare like The Simpsons Movie, you can’t help but be impressed. Hollywood is officially out of ideas though.
When I look at the movie listings, I have no desire to see anything that is being churned out. Granted, this summer has some good offerings, but everything that I want to see is either a sequel, a remake, or an unoriginal idea ripped from a comic book.
The big writers strike that shut down Hollywood recently ended. Why? Oh, that’s right. Television has some original non-reality show based ideas. They needed their writers back. Look at shows like Lost and Jericho. They’re based on original ideas, not some retread. The movie industry on the other hand can’t come up with an something new to save their lives.
Last week it was announced that there is going to be a remake of Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. That’s totally bogus. This is a perfect example of how desperate writers are for ideas. Will Alex Winter reprise his role as Bill S. Preston, Esquire? I hear that he’s free so here’s hoping. But wait, there’s more!
Yesterday I read that the original writers of Short Circuit have been hired to write a remake. If I were Brent Maddock or S.S. Wilson (I think he had a boatoplasty), I’d just plop the original script down on the desk of the idiot who thought this was a good idea. Of course, I’d replace Steve Guttenberg with Vin Diesel, because he never makes a steaming turd of a movie. I’d also replace Ally Sheedy with somebody like Lindsay Lohan. Her last four or five movies have all lost money so she’s obviously a good choice by Hollywood standards. Just be sure to wipe the coke from her nose before the film starts rolling. Maybe Uwe Boll can direct.
Since I’m ranting about Hollywood, let me share my thoughts on the in-production G.I. Joe. I firmly believe that the producers of this movie hate us. Casting Brendan Fraser as Gung Ho, The Rock as Shipwreck, and Sienna Miller, blonde hair and all, as the Baroness is proof of this. Fortunately they got the Snake Eyes costume right but what’s with making the “Real American Hero” bow at the altar of an international peace keeping organization based in Brussels? I guess that they are trying to keep nerd boys who grew up in the Reagan era away from this inevitable debacle. Maybe they’ll throw in a Paris Hilton cameo just for good measure.
What’s happened to film making? Why does nobody have an original idea that would make a good movie? And why do these people who constantly polish turds and try to pass them off as diamonds keep congratulating each other by holding meaningless award shows that nobody cares about? It has been said that sometimes the best you can do is move the turd to another pocket. In the case of Hollywood, it’s time to just wipe and flush the turds altogether.